Chez Moi

Ever tried selling one of the stories from Ramayana or Mahabharata to a child today? Especially one raised on a PG or U certificate rating anywhere else but in India? Hair-raising, I tell you. For one, the stories are all way too gory for their bland tastes. Tell them so-on-so chopped the other bloke’s finger or head off and watch young eyes turn into saucers. The whys and whats and loud gasps would take days to stem, leave alone the increased Nightmare Alert.

If your child is not raised on an Indian filmi diet, then the damage is manifold. Stunted far-fetched imagination, refusal to accept outlandish suggestions and the uncanny ability to put their finger on the one point of niggling abnormality are all just a few of the side-effects.

Take Krishna, for example. The whole baby Krishna- Bhoothana story was declared no-no the minute breastfeeding as a concept was introduced. Being an only child, P has led a much sheltered upbringing and the concept of a baby feeding off a lady’s er, chest, brought forth series of shrieks from my young lad. The Kalinga nardhan story also suffered a similar fate, when the gravitational forces (damn the school’s Science week) and the inability of the parents to keep an eye on their child (Krishna, that is) were brought into question.

I actually managed to sneak in a story of Chathrapathi Sivaji during yet another problematic mealtime, in an effort to make him eat his pasta from the corners of the bowl. This did work for a while and then disaster, in the form of Rajini’s super-dooper hit film hit and now the Chathrapathi got mixed up with ‘Vaaji, Vaaji’ and we were back to Square -1.

I am nothing if not persistent. So tried a different tack and told him the story of Ekalavya over breakfast cereal this morning. Buoyed by the fact that I wasn’t met with rapid fire questions that blew holes into the story, I bravely plodded on. Till I came to the part where Drona asks for Ekalavya’s thumb as guru dakshina.

That was when my luck ran out.

“He asked for the boy’s thumb? Why? That is so gross! Did the boy die?”

“Er, no. It was just his thumb.”

“Why did the teacher want it anyway?”

“With the thumb gone, Ekalavya cannot use a bow and arrow anymore and Arjuna would be the champion shooter, that’s why.”

“Eh? So what if he can’t use a bow and arrow or his right hand? He can use his left hand! Or he can use a gun! Pow pow pow! Easy, see?”

Sigh.

My gran and her kind did not know how lucky they were with us, I tell you. Seriously.

Dee had written a post about JKR and Warner Bros’ action against the poor bloke who ran the Harry Potter Lexicon for years. It was irresistible and I started typing out my comment till it got so big, I decided to transfer it here.

My respect for J K Rowling as a writer was directly proportional to the quality of the work she churned out, which started on a slow downward swing post-Goblet of Fire. Undisputably, she created something mega with Potter and blew the whole children’s genre out of the water. But IMO, she peaked with GoF and every book after that was more like an exercise to make money than a creative output.  I mean, what’s with the Order of the Phoenix? ‘More verbose than Bible’ - so bloody what? So many words to explain so few things? Crime against Goddess Saraswati, I call it!

Declaring Dumbledore as gay was nothing but a publicity stunt, to generate a buzz amongst the fans - something to keep them talking till the movie is released. Pottermania has understandably ebbed after the release of the final book and they need something to create a buzz till they can start publicising the movie.

Now this…. she’s just proving that she isn’t different from anybody else.

Most things she’d said are a load of tripe - take the oft-repeated ‘oh I hate this merchandising palaver’ statement. She went to great lengths to assure one and all that she had to put her foot down else we would all have been saddled with a Moaning Myrtle toilet seat the Christmas after Chamber of Secrets. Now, had she been such a do-gooder, why the hell did she say ‘NO MERCHANDISING AND THAT IS IT’? If the thought of Potter dolls and Myrtle loo seats made her shudder so much, why the hell didn’t she say ‘let us do away with the whole thing’. Simple reason - moolah.

That’s what it all has come to. That’s what everything boils down to. Doesn’t matter if you are richer than the Queen. Let’s face it - there cannot be another Potter phenomenon. Even is she turns out another bestseller (who am I kidding?), chances of it reaching the heights of HP is slim. So, I suppose, it is a case of making hay while the sun shines.

Meanwhile, Steve Vander Ark, good luck to you, mate! And good look to all the owners of the other Harry Potter fan sites - keep your fingers crossed that she doesn’t turn her guns on you tomorrow!

Ok, I am soooo chuffed about this that I want to shout it out to the whole world. So here I am doing it!

Guess who replied to my comment? Here’s the clue:

Ashok Banker Says:
September 11th, 2007 at 9:05 pm

Hello DG,

Thank you! You’re clearly the kind of reader I write for–and am myself. Why can’t our stories and legends be cool too, right? Well, I gave it a shot, and am glad you (and a few lakh others) think it turned out okay.

I know how you feel and wish I could hurry the Mba, but I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s more important to do a good job–or a really great job, god willing–than rush it. As it is, we live in a world where everything’s instant and overnight. Let there be some things that take their own time and are worth the wait. Sabara ka phal meetha.

Regards
Ashok

Unbelievable! One of my favourite authors actually responded to my remarks. Wahey! Thanks be to you, Dee!

For those philistines who don’t know who Ashok Banker is, he is the author of Ramayana. That age old story by Valmiki has been jazzed up and served with a new twist, thanks to Mr Banker. Please buy a copy today and be a part of the magic. 

I just finished reading the latest and the last book of J K Rowling’s series. It is still too early to form any sensible opinion about the book but I can confess to feeling sort of anti-climatic. Not the way she has ended it though parts of it will not sink till I read it at a much slower pace next time. More about the fact that this is it - no more Harry, no more adventures, no more save the world capers.

Though I do not think I will need grievance counsellors like some kids around the world, like most of Muggle-dom, I do experience a sense of ‘whoa! It has ended!’ Am I surprised with the way the book ended? Not really. Am I shocked with some of the explanations? Hmmm, may be. Was I happy to part with 8.99 pounds? Hell yeah!

But am I the only one who feels that the title doesn’t really fit the bill?

We all know what an impossible soul dear ole Ams is. She never does anything by halves. So she’s gone and listed an impressive array of tomes in her Indian authors/books. I have as much chance as the proverbial snowball’s chance in hell of coming up with one half so impressive. So I decided to go my way and make it short n’ sweet.

So here is my list of Indian authors / books I have read or would love to read:

1. Ashok Banker’s Seige of Mithila - Second book in his very impressive Ramayana series. Can’t wait to lay my hands on it. It was Dee who relentlessly badgered me into reading the first one and like Ams, I wasn’t really hooked onto it from the start. The twins calling one another ‘Shot’ and ‘Luck’ sounded more Hardy Boys-ish than anything. But once I passed those, it was pure heaven. A must-read.

2. Kalki’s Ponniyin Selvan - I have read parts of it when it was serialised but for a long time now, have been meaning to read it in its entirety. Mean to get my mitts on my mum’s copy when I visit the folks later in this year. Ooh!

3. Vikram Seth’s An Equal Music - yeah yeah I own up to not having read this till now. I have borrowed it now from the library so should get cracking on it soon!

4. David Davidar’s House of Blue Mangoes - heard / read good things about this one. When I heard he is the Mad Momma’s uncle, I am determined to read it!!! (Call me shallow!)

5. Jawahara Saidulla’s Burden of Foreknowledge - Sujatha Bagal of Blogpourri has said such lovely things about this book that I am compelled to put it on my ‘must read’ list. Added to it, the fact that she is a Desicritic makes her work unmissable!

6. Saavi’s Washingtonil Thirumanam - absolutely hilarious! Made me long for the traditional Tambram weddings of yore. ‘Shhhiver bath’ is a phrase you would not forget!

Phew! Time to pass the baton to Apu, Dee, Suj, Premalatha, Dubukku and my fellow mummy bloggers MM, Tharini, Itchy and Boo.

Big thanks to the Mad Momma and Dubukku for responding to the tag. Their spectacular efforts have made me hang my head in shame to see such impressive lists of Indian authors / books.