Chez Moi

a.k.a The Singhsons. Really! The only surprise is it was so long in coming. Watch the video and crack up!

I’m talking about Jaane tu ya Jaane na songs, of course. Thanks to MM, who’s song of the day is the Aditi number, I have been listening to the movie’s songs pretty much all day. But  my fave is Rashid Ali’s rendition of Kahin To Hogi Ho. Whilst I have always loved the head bangers, thumping beats that make my heart race up, the mellow numbers that sound like something else when piped into your ear drums via tiny speakers in the dead of the night have a special place in my fickle heart.

Now I cannot get the lyrics of this song out of my head! Do I want to? Not really?! Way to go, ARR!

“This is a job interview from hell!” - the dour voice intoning this stale statement has gone beyond getting on my nerves. It has gone to the stage where I can only watch Surallan’s rants when the telly is on mute. And the contestants - boy, if these are the brightest and best business minds in Britain today, then Lord help us all!

What the hell am I going on about? The latest installment of Apprentice, of course. The show that started off with so much promise. Week after week, we watched it to see what new task will be given to the bright sparks and what they do with it. The wide variety, the ideas that came thick and fast and of course, the discussion we had about it all made it unmissable telly.

Well that was then.

Now, ratings greed have swallowed the Unique Boss from Hell and spat out an irascible man, whom I wouldn’t work for, not even for the much vaunted six-figure salary. Hell, if he shouted and spat at me like that, I’ll be happy to chuck the job straight back in his face, thanks very much and exit with my head held high. Which is probably what the former winners have all done - not one of them seem to stick around for longer than the stipulated year.

Nowadays, the show has become a farce of the highest order. Project managers, who seem to think shouting, intimidating and bullying the rest of the team is the best way forward. A bunch of twats in power suits, who seem not to know what the word “team” means but somehow consider grim looks and bitchy attitudes are just the ticket. If this is the job interview from hell, then we have the perfect candidates!

Two things that are annoying the hell out of me this year - the gross ineptitude of the candidates and the amount of bullying that is going on, unchecked.

Task after task, we have these idiots running around like headless chickens, not knowing which way to go. Cooking task? The head chef is someone who eats out a lot but cooks shite. Photography? How about a chap who cannot take a decent photo and a lady who doesn’t know one end of a computer from another, in charge of the technical details. Laundry? We have ninnies who haven’t got a clue how much it costs to wash and clean clothes and pitch ridiculous amounts and even lose a few garments in the process.

And the bullying? The girls team has got Lucinda or Ladyribenaberet, as Ann Pickard of the Guardian has named her, as the pet scapegoat and generally piss on this weepy woman week after week. In the boys’ side, Simon was sniggered at cos he was common, I suppose and even Claire saw fit to treat him like shit. And she got away with it! That’s the way, Surallan!

None of these clowns seems to have a single redeeming quality amongst the whole lot of them - and that is saying something. Cliques, backstabbing and walking over a few heads to grab that trophy seems to be sufficient. This ain’t no all for one and one for all gig - it is every man for himself and woe betide any of you if you actually possess a heart.

Nice to know this is the kind of workplace attitude and ethics that are being promoted by one of Britain’s top employers. Maybe it ain’t just the interview that is from Hell - it may well be the blessed workplace too!

I have a biggo rant on the show coming up but I need to get this outta my system before I pop so here it is. This week the twats were given the task of coming up with a whole new ‘day’ for people to send greeting cards to. One gang of nitwits had their leader, the Sophocles chap, coming up with a “hey you’ve just had plastic surgery - many happies” card (or Happy Boob Job Day, as the Guardian’s Organ Grinder blog colourfully puts it) while the others come up with - wait for it - Save the Planet week.

How do they propose to do it? Oh by sending cards to one and all. The most hilarious bit is, it doesn’t occur to NOBODY what a self-defeating purpose it is to print CARDS (made, one thinks, by CUTTING TREES), put STAMPS on it, get  it delivered from POINT A to POINT B… well, you get my drift. And these, ladies and gentlemen, are the ‘finest business minds in Britain’ today. God save Britain.

Sophocles’ team finally decide on National Singles Day but are blown if they can figure out if there is an apostrophe in Singles and if yes, where it comes. They spend about 4 hours thrashing this about.

What neither team have stopped to consider - among other things - is the market. Who is going to buy the blessed cards? Who, for example, would buy a card that says “happy s’ingle’s’ day” and send it to their single friends? From one single friend to another? And then you’d hope to be alive after that?

And who would like to be the first chump to BUY a CARD that says “don’t waste water - take a shower” and GIVE it to someone.

Finest minds in Britain today people. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You’d think after last week’s killer-cough and the neck spasm would be enough to keep me going, won’t you? Oh no. I decided to round things up by coming down with ‘flu on Saturday morning. So have been feeling like shit and death warmed over.

Which is why I am listening to the Moldy Peaches’ “Anyone Else But You“. I have loved the song since watching ‘Juno‘ and it is a super song. Give it a listen. I got it thanks to Moving in Stereo.org