Chez Moi

“This is a job interview from hell!” - the dour voice intoning this stale statement has gone beyond getting on my nerves. It has gone to the stage where I can only watch Surallan’s rants when the telly is on mute. And the contestants - boy, if these are the brightest and best business minds in Britain today, then Lord help us all!

What the hell am I going on about? The latest installment of Apprentice, of course. The show that started off with so much promise. Week after week, we watched it to see what new task will be given to the bright sparks and what they do with it. The wide variety, the ideas that came thick and fast and of course, the discussion we had about it all made it unmissable telly.

Well that was then.

Now, ratings greed have swallowed the Unique Boss from Hell and spat out an irascible man, whom I wouldn’t work for, not even for the much vaunted six-figure salary. Hell, if he shouted and spat at me like that, I’ll be happy to chuck the job straight back in his face, thanks very much and exit with my head held high. Which is probably what the former winners have all done - not one of them seem to stick around for longer than the stipulated year.

Nowadays, the show has become a farce of the highest order. Project managers, who seem to think shouting, intimidating and bullying the rest of the team is the best way forward. A bunch of twats in power suits, who seem not to know what the word “team” means but somehow consider grim looks and bitchy attitudes are just the ticket. If this is the job interview from hell, then we have the perfect candidates!

Two things that are annoying the hell out of me this year - the gross ineptitude of the candidates and the amount of bullying that is going on, unchecked.

Task after task, we have these idiots running around like headless chickens, not knowing which way to go. Cooking task? The head chef is someone who eats out a lot but cooks shite. Photography? How about a chap who cannot take a decent photo and a lady who doesn’t know one end of a computer from another, in charge of the technical details. Laundry? We have ninnies who haven’t got a clue how much it costs to wash and clean clothes and pitch ridiculous amounts and even lose a few garments in the process.

And the bullying? The girls team has got Lucinda or Ladyribenaberet, as Ann Pickard of the Guardian has named her, as the pet scapegoat and generally piss on this weepy woman week after week. In the boys’ side, Simon was sniggered at cos he was common, I suppose and even Claire saw fit to treat him like shit. And she got away with it! That’s the way, Surallan!

None of these clowns seems to have a single redeeming quality amongst the whole lot of them - and that is saying something. Cliques, backstabbing and walking over a few heads to grab that trophy seems to be sufficient. This ain’t no all for one and one for all gig - it is every man for himself and woe betide any of you if you actually possess a heart.

Nice to know this is the kind of workplace attitude and ethics that are being promoted by one of Britain’s top employers. Maybe it ain’t just the interview that is from Hell - it may well be the blessed workplace too!