Comments on: Sensible parental advice? Or just rot? http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/ A Desi girl in Blighty Tue, 02 Dec 2008 14:09:05 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: Lively http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2874 Lively Tue, 15 Apr 2008 05:11:41 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2874 Outlawed by the outlaws!!! Well it depends on how you feel about it. If you enjoy it, then i'd probably invite you to my parents' home! :) Outlawed by the outlaws!!! Well it depends on how you feel about it. If you enjoy it, then i’d probably invite you to my parents’ home! :)

]]> By: Tharini http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2871 Tharini Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:18:15 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2871 Awww. Lovely post. Great thoughts. I loved the last line and agree with it...and want to live by it too...love you children, but not so that you cannot set them or yourself free. Nice! Awww. Lovely post. Great thoughts. I loved the last line and agree with it…and want to live by it too…love you children, but not so that you cannot set them or yourself free. Nice!

]]> By: dipali http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2869 dipali Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:27:33 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2869 Thank you muchly! (bows graciously) Thank you muchly! (bows graciously)

]]> By: dipali http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2859 dipali Sat, 12 Apr 2008 17:49:04 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2859 @mad momma: maybe it is a gender thing too for men of our generation- the Sometimes Resident Engineer needs to be travelling himself when the kids leave, methinks, or else he morphs into a broody Father Hen. As it is he's the one who's always calling the kids at odd hours, much to their chagrin. He's reformed a bit now. My Majesty waits for the kids to call Me! <em> I'm liking this girl, er, Her Majesty, more and more! </em> @mad momma: maybe it is a gender thing too for men of our generation- the Sometimes Resident Engineer needs to be travelling himself when the kids leave, methinks, or else he morphs into a broody Father Hen.
As it is he’s the one who’s always calling the kids at odd hours, much to their chagrin. He’s reformed a bit now. My Majesty waits for the kids to call Me!


I’m liking this girl, er, Her Majesty, more and more!

]]> By: the mad momma http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2856 the mad momma Sat, 12 Apr 2008 12:12:42 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2856 :) its funny how you know who is going to respond in what manner after a point in time na?! damn. even blogging is predictable. lets move to other pastures. my mom agrees with Dipali's theory. And you know she is more or less fine. Its my dad who had the career and still runs his business who gets most upset when we visit and leave. makes me realise its not a gender thing and neither is it anything to do with work. its simply your nature. Dad gets upset and mopes like a baby. wont talk to anyone, wont eat, will lie in bed and watch TV, keeps staring at the chair where the Brat sits blah blah.... @Ro: we do that all the damn time. I want to take the kids everywhere. but the OA wants a bit of time off from work and wants non-baby time too. with me its all or nothing. so i spend every waking minute with them and then when i want a break i want to leave everyone including the OA behind!! Yeah - i know - extremes only. <em> Ha ha! Being predictable or predicted, is so annoying, right? And you know there's a saying in Tamil that fits you to a T? "vecha kudumi, saraicha mottai!" That's you, totally! Aww isn't your dad a sweetie. You do take after him a lot, don't you? </em> :) its funny how you know who is going to respond in what manner after a point in time na?! damn. even blogging is predictable. lets move to other pastures.

my mom agrees with Dipali’s theory. And you know she is more or less fine. Its my dad who had the career and still runs his business who gets most upset when we visit and leave. makes me realise its not a gender thing and neither is it anything to do with work. its simply your nature.

Dad gets upset and mopes like a baby. wont talk to anyone, wont eat, will lie in bed and watch TV, keeps staring at the chair where the Brat sits blah blah….

@Ro: we do that all the damn time. I want to take the kids everywhere. but the OA wants a bit of time off from work and wants non-baby time too. with me its all or nothing. so i spend every waking minute with them and then when i want a break i want to leave everyone including the OA behind!! Yeah - i know - extremes only.


Ha ha! Being predictable or predicted, is so annoying, right? And you know there’s a saying in Tamil that fits you to a T? “vecha kudumi, saraicha mottai!” That’s you, totally!
Aww isn’t your dad a sweetie. You do take after him a lot, don’t you?

]]> By: Rohini http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2853 Rohini Sat, 12 Apr 2008 03:44:33 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2853 I think for working moms it becomes that much harder to take that time out for just themselves and the husband... because you guilt yourself into spedning every non-working moment with the kid. Today we are going to a friend's house for lunch and we had a huge discussion on whether to take Ayaan. We were feeling bad about leaving him behind but then a rational reason came to our rescue - the timings would totally mess with his afternoon nap and that always spells disaster. So after three months, we are actually going to go somewhere without him. <em> Too right! Being a parent is one big guilt trip isn't it? Have fun at your couple time! </em> I think for working moms it becomes that much harder to take that time out for just themselves and the husband… because you guilt yourself into spedning every non-working moment with the kid.

Today we are going to a friend’s house for lunch and we had a huge discussion on whether to take Ayaan. We were feeling bad about leaving him behind but then a rational reason came to our rescue - the timings would totally mess with his afternoon nap and that always spells disaster. So after three months, we are actually going to go somewhere without him.


Too right! Being a parent is one big guilt trip isn’t it? Have fun at your couple time!

]]> By: Life outside of kids. Is that being selfish? « Sand’s Random Ramblings http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2850 Life outside of kids. Is that being selfish? « Sand’s Random Ramblings Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:03:26 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2850 [...] is slim to none. Where am I going with this train of thought? Recently came across this & this while catching up on the blogs I follow and felt that I couldn’t agree [...] [...] is slim to none. Where am I going with this train of thought? Recently came across this & this while catching up on the blogs I follow and felt that I couldn’t agree [...]

]]> By: dipali http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2849 dipali Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:20:40 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2849 I have none of my four kids at home now: in fact my youngest left home for boarding school four years younger than any of his siblings. You have to let them go, you cannot make it harder for them when they leave the safety and comfort of the nest. And without one's own interests, I can see parents, very often mothers, but sometimes fathers too, giving in to sentimentality. But the day a child leaves home after spending some time there, whether it be the first departure or after a vacation, that's the day home is unbearable. It generally helps to be a tough cookie: enjoy your kids while you have 'em, and shove them out of the nest when they've grown too big for it! Apu's comment and your response to it were both very sensible:) <em> ooh you brave girl! I loved this statement of yours: "enjoy your kids while you have 'em, and shove them out of the nest when they've grown too big for it!" I think that's the key! </em> I have none of my four kids at home now: in fact my youngest left home for boarding school four years younger than any of his siblings. You have to let them go, you cannot make it harder for them when they leave the safety and comfort of the nest. And without one’s own interests, I can see parents, very often mothers, but sometimes fathers too, giving in to sentimentality.
But the day a child leaves home after spending some time there, whether it be the first departure or after a vacation, that’s the day home is unbearable.
It generally helps to be a tough cookie: enjoy your kids while you have ‘em, and shove them out of the nest when they’ve grown too big for it!

Apu’s comment and your response to it were both very sensible:)


ooh you brave girl! I loved this statement of yours: “enjoy your kids while you have ‘em, and shove them out of the nest when they’ve grown too big for it!”
I think that’s the key!

]]> By: kodi's mom http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2847 kodi's mom Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:03:41 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2847 excellent post! I think, like with everything else, it is a balancing act. you give them the independance when you see them naturally seeking it, but dont push them too hard to hold them too close. so easy to write, so hard to practise. and yes, I am absolutely guilty of holding too tight, especially now. my husband will love this post - esp the 'umbilical cord' line. god knows how many times he's used it on me! ("cut the damn cord, dammit!") <em> Ha ha! Isn't that typical hubby-speak? But know what, I think they need to be like that, constantly telling us to let go even when we cling tighter. Coz when the time comes, that is what is going to help us move on and not be totally broken up over our babies who have all become young men and women in their own right. What say you? </em> excellent post! I think, like with everything else, it is a balancing act. you give them the independance when you see them naturally seeking it, but dont push them too hard to hold them too close. so easy to write, so hard to practise. and yes, I am absolutely guilty of holding too tight, especially now.

my husband will love this post - esp the ‘umbilical cord’ line. god knows how many times he’s used it on me! (”cut the damn cord, dammit!”)


Ha ha! Isn’t that typical hubby-speak? But know what, I think they need to be like that, constantly telling us to let go even when we cling tighter. Coz when the time comes, that is what is going to help us move on and not be totally broken up over our babies who have all become young men and women in their own right.
What say you?

]]> By: the mad momma http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2846 the mad momma Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:25:17 +0000 http://desigirl.net.in/blog/2008/04/10/sensible-parental-advice-or-just-rot/#comment-2846 i'm going to disagree sweetheart. we have a life - the OA and I - but we dont have a life because we're safeguarding against future heart break. we do it because we really enjoy it. and if for a few months we dont end up going out or doing stuff - that is fine. I believe we do have lives. For example - You and I are a teeny bit of each other's lives away from our children and spouses. Your education. My freelance work. There is plenty. And I dont think its driven by fear of an empty nest. I think its driven by interest. We're just bright (ahem!) women and we do this naturally. As for the kids - we have them for so short a while. With all the frustrations and joys that come with the parenting gig. I know a time will come when we will have to wean ourselves. But I dont think this is it. And yeah - when it does come - I dont think all the jobs on earth can fill that baby shaped hole. its a farce. my mother is a businesswoman. she has her blackberry and laptop and second cellphone on at all times. and yet - she aches for us and feels the void... <em> Aha! I expected you to disagree!! I hear you and I know I'd rather live totally involved in my children's lives now and then cherish the memories of it all later, when they are elsewhere making their own way forwards, rather than safeguarding my heart against future heartache by barricading myself against them. But, it is a tough call, isn't it? Damn, this parenting lark gets tougher and tougher or what? </em> i’m going to disagree sweetheart. we have a life - the OA and I - but we dont have a life because we’re safeguarding against future heart break. we do it because we really enjoy it. and if for a few months we dont end up going out or doing stuff - that is fine.

I believe we do have lives. For example - You and I are a teeny bit of each other’s lives away from our children and spouses. Your education. My freelance work. There is plenty. And I dont think its driven by fear of an empty nest. I think its driven by interest. We’re just bright (ahem!) women and we do this naturally.

As for the kids - we have them for so short a while. With all the frustrations and joys that come with the parenting gig. I know a time will come when we will have to wean ourselves. But I dont think this is it. And yeah - when it does come - I dont think all the jobs on earth can fill that baby shaped hole. its a farce. my mother is a businesswoman. she has her blackberry and laptop and second cellphone on at all times. and yet - she aches for us and feels the void…


Aha! I expected you to disagree!! I hear you and I know I’d rather live totally involved in my children’s lives now and then cherish the memories of it all later, when they are elsewhere making their own way forwards, rather than safeguarding my heart against future heartache by barricading myself against them. But, it is a tough call, isn’t it? Damn, this parenting lark gets tougher and tougher or what?

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