Chez Moi

One of my former colleagues told me about a habit she had instilled in her children and I decided to adopt it straightaway as it was sound. She told me that she always told her children to have a £5 bill folded and stashed away in one of the many compartments of their purses at all times. This money was strictly for emergency and if it was used, it must be replenished asap.

The daughter, who was also a mate, told me of this time at Uni when she went out on Saturday night with her new housemates. Typically, the girls got sloshed to the gills and except for my sensible mate, none of the inebriated had a penny to spare between them. So Sensible Mate called for a taxi and bundled all of them into it and they all made their way safely home - thanks to her emergency money of £5 tucked away in her purse.

It may seem like a matter of trivial importance but after following my colleague’s advice, I know personally the number of times the £5 had come to my rescue. Whether a teen out for a night out on the tiles or a young mum with a cranky child, safety is paramount and anything that helps you be on your way is worth it.

Why am I talking about it now? I just finished reading Deepti Lamba’s well-written article on the responsibility of parents, with special regard to the Scarlett Keeling case and thought of my old colleague.  It  isn’t easy being a parent and some people do a better job of it than  others. But what sets apart a good parent from a not so good one is the fear - fear for their children’s safety. It is with your heart in your mouths that you let your child go into the world.

But that don’t mean that you hold on to them and stifle the life off them. The trick is in finding the middle ground. In Fiona MacKeown’s case, trusting your 15 year old daughter would be safe in the company of people you have known for a scant few months is nothing short of colossal stupidity. Her argument, that the Aunt who was to have kept an eye on Scarlett, was a church-going Catholic. That endorsement aside, I wonder if Ma MacKeown paused to think of the 25 year old red-blooded male, the nephew of the devout Auntie, who was also in the same house.

In Tamil, there’s a saying, “never put cotton and fire next to each other”. A simple sentiment and one the mum never thought of but 100% valid, nonetheless. You put a sexually active teen next to a man who probably thought of himself as a bit of a stud, with only an aged female as a chaperone, you are just begging for trouble. 

I have heard many a time arguments from otherwise sound people who deride the Western society and flatly say that Western parents, as a rule, are a dead loss at this parenting lark. While the Eastern ones, especially Indians (as most of these loud mouths are, more often than not, our fellow brethren, sadly) are stellar examples of parenthood. Well, I don’t think that good parenting genes are passed into our bloodstream along with the smog and grime from the Indian atmosphere. As Amrita shows clearly, bad examples of parenthood can be found everywhere - even *gasp* in India. Maybe that mother thought she was being the perfect parent by devoting so much of herself to her daughter and her daughter’s education. But did she pause to think of what sort of future she was condemning the same daughter to, when she took her life so cheaply? I don’t think so.

Good parents, bad parents, examples can be found everywhere. Geography has nothing to do with it. At the end of the day, all we can do as parents is be there for our children - in every sense of the world. Everything else, as they say, is in the lap of the Gods.

In the meantime, rest in peace all you young ‘uns who have had your life snatched away cruelly. I dedicate this poem of Dylan Thomas’ to you all:

So P got his first ever certificate yesterday. He has been attending Kumon maths for the past couple of months. His dad and I were surprised when the teacher told us couple of weeks back that P would be taking his current level test. A test? After just 7 weeks? Oh well, we thought, nice experience.

Imagine our pride when he aced the test! Woo-hoo! So yesterday, he got his ‘Achievement Certificate’ and got his picture taken with it. It was hilarious watching him play to the camera. Now that he is comfortable with this, we decided to sign him up for Kumon English too.

He had the assessment to get over with first, to see where he was at. And my son is such a card, I tell you! A girl, she must be in her A levels or something, was throwing words at him and he had to spell them. Another friend of hers was sitting at the same table, watching him. Every time she gave him a word, P’s instantaneous reaction would be ‘oh that? That is too easy!’

After the third such comment, the girls picked up the refrain and chanted along with him ‘oh it is too easy, innit?’

Anyways, the teacher came and told us he did well and they were ever so pleased with the way he is going. We were both well chuffed, understandably.

I know there have been discussions going on in various mommy bloggers’ websites about the suitability of extra coaching for children and how soon is too soon etc. When I first heard of Kumon, P was in his Foundation class and was 4 and 1/2 and we both deemed him too young for such extra coaching and decided to leave him be. He loves his school and though is a bit of a chatterbox, he still does really well. When we decided to move back to India at the completion of his Infant’s school, we decided that we needed some extra help and enrolled him with Kumon. He also goes for weekly swimming and random football and kickboxing lessons so it is not all work and no play!

Would I continue with it once we are back in Chennai? I don’t know. I want to give him the chance to settle down in the new environs and get used to things first. And then, if he seems fine and if the situation warrants it, then we’ll see.

In the meantime, it sure is fantastic to see him chock full of pride over his certificate, which is already showing signs of wear, thanks to some rather enthusiastic playing last night. He is all set for the bi-annual tests at Kumon and wants to win the Gold, this September. If it makes him happy….

 
Fresh out of college, I used to work for a local, city-based portal as a content writer and then later, Web Content Manager. In that guise, I met many interesting characters, attended many functions and generally led an interesting life. But of all the people I met, none affected me more than Vandana and Vaishnavi, founders of women’s charity organisation, Banyan.

I wasn’t a trained journalist so had none of the grit or the backbone needed to tough it out in search of assignments. All I had was a head full of ideas - ideas on what was great and good about my city that I could showcase on my website. Through a teacher at college, who was a good friend of Vandana, I heard of Banyan and was really impressed to learn about two women, who, in the prime of their life, threw away a regular lifestyle and immersed themselves in caring after mentally challenged women.

It sounded like a plot of a movie - too fantastic to be true. Clueless about what to expect, I asked for an appointment to visit the place to write about it. That visit and the women I saw, changed me and I honestly feel, I grew up in that space of two hours I spent at Banyan. I remember crying bitterly on my way back to work. Seeing those women, in their bedraggled state, not knowing what was happening to themselves or where they were, affected me like nothing had.

Though it has been years since I met them and the women and their organisation have come a long way since, I constantly think of them and their dedication to their cause. I cannot think of two better examples of women to salute, on International Women’s Day.

If you’d like to donate, please visit this page to learn how.

My Baby is 6 today! I know, I cannot believe it! I keep looking at him, looking just the same as he did yesterday and the day before and today, suddenly, he is a year older. How surreal is this? Where was the red-faced, wrinkled, squalling baby I held seconds after he was born? When did he go and become this child-person who talks cohesively? What the hell have I done with the years?Already, he is concerned that he is becoming older (!) and that in a few years his voice would break ‘into pieces’! I am not ready for this!In the meantime, happy birthday dear heart! May you spread happiness and cheer around you always. And, more importantly, may you always have it in you.