Chez Moi

Yesterday afternoon, while I was on my lunch break, I decided to climb Cardiac Hill (our name for the rather steep Primrose Hill) and wander around the High Street shops, as you would. As I was standing at the junction of Primrose Hill and Crown Street, a car stopped next to me and this senior-ish desi man asked me if I knew which way Rose Valley was. For once, I did and I was only too happy to show him the way. It was, after all, just down the road and tiddly road that went off the roundabout.

But translating this into motorese proved to be tougher than I bargained for. I have a problem differenciating between my left and right. When I normally say ‘take the left’, folks go ‘oh you mean the right - okay, got you’. Of course, this innocent stranger didn’t know that. So, when I said, ‘go down this road and at the roundabout, take the left and then turn into the first road on your left’, he took my words to be gospel and proceeded to do so.

Even as I watched indulgently, he indicated left at the rounabout and proceeded up Queen’s Road. That was when it hit me - I had told him left, instead of right! Typically, I saw the bloke come bowling towards me as I walked up Coptfold Road. I flagged him down, apologised profusely and said ‘I meant right when I said left’. He gave me a ‘I forgive you, lady’ smile and asked me ‘okay now which way?’ So I started again ‘you go down this road and then you take the…’ I was waving my left arm like mad when he went ‘right, right’ and I said ‘yeah take the right, and then take the right at the roundabout’.

He waved me a cheerful bye, took the right and proceeded towards the direction of the High Street. That was when realisation dawned on me - I had meant left and when the bloke prompted ‘right, right’, I had got confused and sent him the wrong way - again!

So, all you good folks of Brentwood, if you see a poor, harassed man, with wilted flowers in his passenger seat, asking you the way to Rose Valley, please point him in the right direction. And do not, I beg you, do not tell him where I live!

Map of Brentwood - with Primrose Hill and Rose Valley