Chez Moi

Alarm goes off - brrrr! brrrr! Shit! Forgot to take it off the annoying vibrate mode. Grope under the pillow to locate it before it starts waking up the neighbourhood. Aha! Found it! Shut it, you stupid thing!

Trudge to the loo. Bang into the bedstead, slip over a stray Tesco bag, curse, close the door and sit on the bog for blessed peace. Brush teeth, try to get a semi-kip whilst brushing. Got to change the bettery on the bloody toothbrush - I am doing most of the work, myself.

Stand on the scales, on the balls of my feet, a little bit to the side, squint at the needle. Damn! Still the same!

Start loping off towards kitchen, sidestep a nasty looking Thomas the Tank Engine and switch on the perculator. Soon enough, the fragrant whiffs of coffee slowly prise closed eye lids open. Sip first mouthful of coffee standing at the worktop - ahhh, heaven. Trudge back to the sofa, step on a lego block - damn, it hurts! Wince, hop and sit gingerly on a book, trying not to upset the coffee on the carpet.

Finally! A moment to enjoy that surrealistic experience of the morning coffee.

Thud! The postie is early today. Oh well, better get cracking. Change into running gear, where’s that bloody sock gone, gosh this shoe stinks better clean it before it clears the room. Ipod - check.

‘Roobarooo… Roshini…..’ well, good morning to you too, ARR. Oh! go away, sniffy, mangy, doggy! Look at that bloody time! Argh! Puff, pant! Where’s my keys gone? Drat! Oh good morning, nice neighbour.

Whew!

Where’s that shirt I pressed last night? Drat! Was there a spot on it then? Oh hell! Well, this one here looks reasonably uncrumpled. Do I have time to steam it? Natch! Would get crumpled en route anyways. Trousers - black or grey? Blue. BOut five minutes early today - cool! oy is the boss man going to be pleased with me today or what?

Doddering old man, out of my way, please. Why did I pick this silly shoe out of all the silly shoes in the shoeniverse? The bloody thing’s hungry all the time. Chews my poor feet to pieces every time. And why does the light change to green the minute I go near a crossing? Jab the button, please change, please change to the little green walking man.

Hmm, traffic is light today. That’s rare. Oh well, more space in the road for me. ‘New York Nagaram, urangum neram…’ man! do I love that song or what. Puts a nice spring on my step, that song does. Whoa! Why are you cleaning the pavement today, man? That’s what the weekends are for!

Finally! Made it - ooh! Where’s the stupid security man gone? I ain’t that early - they haven’t even opened the bloody joint yet. Gawd! Well, I might as well trot off to the newsagents and get me a paper. I feel like Daily Mail today.

Smile at the lech at the tills - where’s the stupid paper when you want it? Daily Mail, Daily Mail.. Why are there silly Mail on Sunday everywhere? There’s just stupid Sunday papers in every…. Oh no! Oh no no no! Don’t tell me - it’s bloody Sunday today!